Pre-School Separation Anxiety...for MOM!

We have had a lot of discussion about separating our twins in school. I started doing some research. I'm not talking about statistics and what doctors say. Because really, most doctors are NOT the parents of multiples. I was looking for down and dirty mom advice. I read blogs about how great separation can be and ones on the flip side, the horror stories. I linked to my favorite at the bottom.

I've seen separation in my own home and it wasn't pretty...for ME.

They were separated for 6 weeks at the age of 3 in preschool. Their teachers had no trouble. They behaved "normally," and performed as usual academically. The problem was at home. It was as though they came home and became changed little people. As though they couldn't handle the fact that they were doing different things. They argued, they picked fights. My husband and I were MISERABLE!

They were finally put back together and things normalized. Peace had settled in to our home...well, as much peace as one with multiples can have.

Fast forward a year and we're back at making the decision to separate. Our fraternal four year olds now hold each other back. One emotionally/socially, the other academically. They count on each other to fill in the blanks when there is a deficit. While it's cute at times, it's not exactly healthy. I want my girls to have confidence in their endeavors, as we all do.

We're fortunate that they go to a school where they have 4 classrooms from which to choose. We had to think...and fast.

Sure, there was fighting during the previous separation, but they fight more now anyway as they have more opinions.

But they also asked about each other's day. They communicated. They got excited about what the other did. Nothing wrong with that.

They were also unable to tattle on each other. This had it's pros and cons as I had grown accustom to the built in accountability. But maybe now it will give them a chance to branch out to try new things without thinking sissy is watching.

They may no longer share the same best friend, but truth be told, I think they will always be each other's best friend.

So this year, we're looking forward to seeing what happens. We have a window where we can change back if necessary. For now, they will be in classrooms right next to each other. They will have recess and other activities together.

They will have different teachers and different aides, which means extra conferences, different special days and events. These are things I will likely have to get used to anyway. The dreaded different homework, different library day. But that is another article. Fortunately, this is JUST preschool!

Just breathe...and see what this mom has to say.

~Jenny

Twin Friendships in the Teen Years

As I dropped off my girls in their new classroom on Monday, I realized how different they really are.  Sure, they're alike in a multitude of ways, but their personalities are so different that I wonder if they would even be friends if they weren't sisters.  One is very shy and takes a LONG time to warm up to new people.  She is also quite the diva when it comes to clothes, hair, and messy spaghetti hands.  The other is so outgoing, we're afraid she'll walk off with someone some day.  She loves playing dolls and trucks, she pulls anything pretty out of her hair, and she loves a good mess.  But these too are truly the best of friends.  They hug, kiss, hold hands, and say they love each other even from different rooms.  They watch out for each other.  One will bring the other a drink while the other searches for a missing blanket.  They complement each other well.  It is my hope that this continues.

While I was pondering this and thinking about getting my 5 year old ready for Kindergarten Roundup, I realized that the twins may not have this same relationship as they get older.  Maybe the outgoing one will leave her sister behind to fend for herself socially.  Some schools split twins so they get different social experiences.  At this point, I'm not sure if the diva could handle that.  Thinking back to Monday morning dropping them off, Maylee was crying while Mallory went and sat right down.  She hardly seemed troubled that her sister was crying.  At home, they would be comforting one another.  I started feeling a bit unsettled and then hit the internet.  What on earth did parents do before the web?

I searched for twin teens.  The teenage years are such a difficult time.  Personally, I am glad I finished those years when I did.  I hear such horror stories from teacher friends about how kids talk and what they do.  (Somedays I wish I could homeschool like my good friend Tiffany.  I haven't the brains nor the patience!)  I guess I was so naive back in my high school days.  Let's call it good parenting and landing in the right crowd.  What I found was article after article about twins being close to one another and being close to their families.  Sure, some twins hate each other and live to be such separate individuals, but I think for most, it's hard to turn your back on your former wombmate!  Check out this article from The Advantages of Being a Teenage Multiple (Book Excerpt from Parenting School-Age Twins and Multiples). 

How do you see your multiples progressing as they age?  What about your singles?  What do you think you can do now to keep the momentum going in the right direction?

Siblings Question

How do you handle siblings' preferences for one twin over the other?
My 4 yr. old son will sometimes treat one twin (11 mo.) nicer than
the other (one twin is the aggressor and kind of bullies the other
sometimes, he rescues the other-he has said a couple times that he
likes Gretchen better...) Is this normal? I am not sure if this just
works out later and I shouldn't worry, or whether this could cause
big problems later and I need to address this now...any experience or
advice?

Thanks,

Marggy